


The Wakashû & The Nenja

by kyoselflove



Category: Jrock, the GazettE
Genre: 17th Century, Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Historical, Blood, Chronic Illness, Drama & Romance, Edo Period, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, M/M, Multi, Older Man/Younger Man, Samurai, Sexual Content, Swordfighting, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-16
Updated: 2015-01-16
Packaged: 2018-03-07 19:46:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3180917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyoselflove/pseuds/kyoselflove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Taking place in the Edo period of Japan, Kai spends time with his new lover while remembering the one he could never forget.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Wakashû & The Nenja

**Author's Note:**

> Prequel to The [Wakashû & The Rōnin](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2126382). Hover over italic Japanese terms for definitions.

>   
>  Harshness is for the good of a boy, soft-heartedness will ruin him.
> 
> \- 井原 西鶴 (Ihara Saikaku), 1688.

Gazing at the lithe body in his arms, he let out a sigh, pulling the body closer.  Outside the nightly critters started their routine song.  The boy in his hold was his, a new obligation that he would insure to teach and protect.  Much like Aoi had done for him all those years ago.  A tradition amongst these men.

He brushed away a damp strand of black hair from Uruha’s face; his long dark locks reminded him painfully of Aoi, one of the reasons he had picked the boy.  Although the two of them couldn’t be anything but complete opposites.  His hand explored the expanse of Uruha’s bare hairless torso; the boy opened his eyes and gave a half smile. “Kai, sleep.” Uruha mumbled and nested against his chest.  Poor thing always passed out after lovemaking.

Times were changing; the _shudô_ relationship along the way lost its most valuable meaning, love.  Kai had realized this when the other samurai took their boys like they were nothing but the common whore.  Even Uruha saw him as such a predator and just accepted his fate.  It made his heart twist in pain, he loved Uruha, just like Aoi had loved him, but the boy refused to acknowledge it.

Forcing himself to relax, he shut his eyes in attempt to obtain some sleep.  The hot breath from Uruha tickled his skin; he couldn’t help but think of Aoi, yet again.

 

Their first meeting had been a magical one in Kai’s eyes, when he saw Aoi, handsome, unshaved head with ebony long locks, with a hand extended to help him off the muddy road, it was a miracle.  Kai’s eyes had wandered from his large hands, past the katana tucked in his obi, right to his gorgeous face.  Aoi held a certain beauty with stroke of strength. “Are you alright?”

Those first words he had heard from those plump lips had set his heart into a race against itself.  He accepted the hand, feeling the roughness of the older man’s skin; he was lifted out of the puddle of mud, back on his feet.  Dark brown sludge soaked its way through the fabric of his clothes and he had managed to loose one shoe to the puddle.

But he didn’t mind it, as he felt captivated by those dark orbs looking into his soul and mind.  Those eyes squinted with worry, Kai felt himself stutter over a reply. “F-Fine. Thank you.” No one had ever took notice of him before, why did this honorable man soil his clothes only to help a humble servant?

“Quite the fall you took.” It wasn’t a mocking tone, the man smiled at him and Kai couldn’t comprehend any sentence to say back, he nodded his head instead.  Hearing a chuckle, Kai turned his head to another man he hadn’t noticed before, his smile was more menacing as he blatantly laughed at him. “Cute, isn’t he?”  The man was Ruki; he remembered he was Aoi’s best friend and partner on the field.

In an unknown twist of fate, Kai would meet them again and Aoi would become his everything.

 

Uruha stirred next to him, his long lashes fluttered before his eyes finally opened.  Giving him a pout, Uruha whispered to him. “Kai, why are you still awake?”  There were many reasons; mainly Aoi plagued his thoughts, he knew rest should be his top priority since they were likely to be attacked when the sun rose above the horizon but he just couldn’t seem to shake it off and fall into a deep slumber.

Moans filled the house as the other men indulged in the pleasure their boys offered them, though to Kai it sounded more like a whorehouse.  Uruha slipped a hand over his limp cock and kissed the skin of his scarred chest. “Do you want to go again?” Lifting the smaller hand off of him, he shook his head and gave a kiss to Uruha’s head.

“Hush, go back to sleep.” With his hand, rubbing the smooth skin of Uruha’s naked back, the boy was lured back to slumber.  The boy knew that Kai had nights like these, where he would be restless and not content. Though it still worried him, there was nothing he could do.

Part of him wanted to keep Uruha pure and away from this life he had come to learn, but it was too late for that.  In the end, he knew it was hopeless, he would lose him just like he lost Aoi or Uruha would be left alone.  Nothing ever went right in the life of a samurai. Many nights he cursed this life but if it weren’t for it, he would never have met Aoi.  And that was enough in itself to make it all worth it.

Still sleep eluded him, memories of Aoi were hard to forget and they always resurfaced.

 

A crack sounded as the _shinai_ hit against his side, his ribs took most of the damage.  The first bones he had ever broke, three ribs on his left side.  He had clutched his side and fell to his knees.  Kai had tried hard to keep his tears at bay not wanting to seem feeble.  “You are dead.”  Ruki’s cold voice made its way through the ringing in his ears.  Whimpering was a sign of weakness but he couldn’t stop one as it escaped his mouth.

“Ruki, you’re too harsh on him.” Aoi stood not to far away, arms crossed, the midday sun shined through his hair.

“You’re too gentle on him.  If you want him to live, you need to toughen him up.”  At the time, Kai didn’t agree with Ruki.  Back then he thought the man held a grudge against him, maybe he still did, Kai would never come to find out until it was too late.

Aoi said nothing, he just gestured to other men to help Kai and give him medical attention.  That day, Kai thought his time with the clan was over.  The day would never come when he could prove him worthiness.  He had to succeed, not only to make Aoi proud of him but also to show the rest of the clan that he was worthy.  As he sat there with bruised flesh, Kai promised himself to become one of the best samurai of their clan.

“I’m sorry.”  Fingers brushed over the bluish hue on his ribcage, Aoi looked solemn and it made Kai hurt more emotionally as he flinched at the touch.

“There is no reason for you to apologize.” His voice was small and timid; he had only been there for half a season.  Still not brave enough to face the man who saved him.

Those fingers traveled up his body to his neck then to his face.  Chin turned upwards; he gazed into Aoi’s eyes.  Moving closer, Aoi closed the distance between them and pressed their lips together.  Kai relished every second of their first kiss, light and chaste, barely there.  A hand ran through Kai’s hair as they broke away.  Inside Kai had felt his heart flutter with a growing happiness but Aoi’s eyes still held sorrow.

 

Some time during the early morning hours, Kai had fallen asleep with Uruha in his arms.  He was grateful to receive a little bit of rest.  Carefully, he slid away from the boy’s naked body, going to cover his own with a kimono.  Leaning against the wall, he took a deep breath, Aoi had always said his heart was frail.  The more he aged; he found that it was true.  How could he protect Uruha from harm when a night of lovemaking was enough to take his breath away?  Quite literally.

“Kai?” Closing his eyes, Kai hummed, waiting for Uruha to continue to speak.  “Are you okay?”

“Fine.” It came out as a breathy whisper and he knew Uruha wouldn’t be convinced.  Soon after, Uruha stood by him, wrapping his arms around Kai’s body.  Non-calloused fingers stroked against his scars through the opening of his loose kimono on his chest.

“Are you ever going to tell me where these came from?” Uruha’s hot breath fell upon his neck.  Turning his head away, he felt calm enough now to speak but he kept silent.  Never would he tell Uruha how these scars had been forcefully brought upon him.  A constant reminder of a day he wished he could forget.

Uruha sighed, and then stepped away.  “I’m going to the baths, are you coming?”

“I’ll be there in a bit.”  Kai whispered, the boy walked away knowing there was no changing of his mind.  The _Sōzu _ in the garden clanked in the distance, Kai could feel his vision blur for a moment, his grip on his kimono tightened just as much as the feeling in his chest, knocking him to the ground.  These episodes were becoming more frequent and it was only a matter of time before they stopped for good.

 

 _Oh Aoi, my love. We will reunite soon._ A grim thought to most but a sense of liberation for Kai.

 

The fragile heart in his chest prevented him from doing many actions with Aoi.  Horses were always ready for him, for the distance by foot would knock him unconscious.  Reins would be held in Aoi’s hand; the striking man would beam up at him and give him reassuring words.

Ruki on the other hand did not approve.  “You’re babying him again. Walking with us will strengthen his heart.”

“Do you not remember what happened the last time?”  It shocked Kai to hear the sound of Aoi’s voice sound so crude.  Crimson tinted his cheeks, while Ruki continued to glare at him as they continued to walk, Kai hoisted on his mount.

“Blood and sweat is always spilt to become stronger.  He will never become a samurai.”  The words were spat out and Kai couldn’t help but cringe at their vulgarity.

“He will, just you wait.” Aoi turned towards him with another dashing smile, making Kai’s complete body rush with heat.

At camp, the three of them shared a bed under a makeshift shelter.  Ruki never did take on any lovers, though he would often sneak of and visit _Yoshiwara_ , to bed with a whore.  When Aoi had found out about it, he was less than pleased.

The weather had become slightly chilled; it had the three of them snuggled under a thick blanket on their futon.  Aoi in the middle while Ruki and him were on either side.  After a tiring day, Kai fell asleep almost instantly but he was awoken during the night.

Heartbroken could describe what he felt when he awoke to Aoi and Ruki kissing, their hands moving underneath the covers.  Without a word, Kai rushed from their shelter into the cold, trying to find anywhere to escape.  His run was short lived when he fell to the ground clutching the shirt over his chest.

“Kai!” Screams of his name were behind him, he knew it was Aoi but he didn’t want to see the angelic man, his image of him was tainted.  Never in his life had he wished more than ever to be someone else.  He was born flawed and unwanted; tonight was another example of how painfully true it was.

Aoi’s body completely folded over his, chest to his back, Kai began hyperventilating, nails digging into the soil underneath him.  “Match my breathing, listen to my breathing.” The words were chanted into his ear, Aoi’s grip on him tight.  Doing as he was told, his breathing became normal, the pain in his chest subsiding.

“Kai, sweet Kai, please forget what you saw.” A plea coming from the man he always assumed to be strong, now he was on his knees begging to him.

“You wish me to forget? Instead of giving me an apology?” Kai let a sob escape from his body, the moonlight shined down on them, seeing his hands dig deeper into the earth did nothing to lessen his rolling emotions.

“No, I—“ Turning to look at Aoi, he was amazed that the man was speechless, his confidence shaken.  “I’m sorry but it’s really important that you don’t tell anyone.”  Kai didn’t think he was genuine; Aoi just wanted him to keep his mouth shut about his and Ruki’s obvious relationship. How could he have been so blind? But he kept his jealously in check, after all Aoi was a married man.  There was no room for him; life had planned itself for him, to be a miserable lonely one.

“Ruki and I…” Aoi moved in front of him, holding his shoulders. “It has been going on a long time. If you will accept to be my lover, I will never be with him again.” Lifting his gaze from his fingers buried into the earth, he looked into Aoi’s eyes, a glint of the moon shining within them.

“Okay.” The answer was simple, Aoi was his savoir and he had loved him the first moment he laid eyes on him.

“You’ll be mine?” Aoi’s eyes brightened, the moon showing its whole face within his orbs.  Nodding in response, Kai brought his own lips to those plump ones.  Of course he would, in that moment he didn’t care for Ruki’s feelings, only his own.

 

Since Uruha and Kai had a knack for waking up earlier than the others, they had the whole baths to themselves.  It consisted of a wooden house covering over natural hot springs.  Once he approached where Uruha was soaking in the heated water with his eyes closed and head back, Kai let his kimono fall to the ground and slipped in.  Uruha’s eyes slowly opened, his lips turning up slightly.

Not a moment sooner, Uruha was straddling his lap, arms hung around his neck and lips so close. “You’re so tense.” Kai hummed in response, letting his hands slide up the length of Uruha’s back.

Kai leaned against the stonewall while Uruha took it upon himself to impale himself on his cock and ride it to his satisfaction.  Taking a fist full of Uruha’s hair when he came to his release, he whispered, “I love you.”  But Uruha never returned the words.  It left Kai wondering if he believed them himself.

 

“Get on your feet!” Head against the cold soft ground, Kai huffed, his lungs filled in the frigid hair making them burn.  Placing a hand against the frozen ground, he lifted himself up enough to see Ruki, eyes stern.  Eventually he made it, standing on two feet.  Katanas in hand, Ruki continued to glare, this wasn’t training anymore, it was beyond that.

Kai felt his life being threatened, Ruki didn’t want him around anymore, he was nothing more than a nuisance.  Instead of his whole upbringing being flashed behind his eyes, he could only see his time with Aoi.

The way Aoi had always made sure that he was all right, no matter what.  Never letting him take a lead during their times of heated passion.  Always he was to lie still while Aoi took him, but he didn’t mind.  Feeling Aoi inside of him, it would never compare to anything else.

“You’re just a boy.  A weak pathetic boy.  You’ll never be me!” Ruki shouted.  There was a good three yards of distance between them.  Bare sakura trees bent against the wind around them, sending a slight chill down Kai’s shaken frame.

Holding his chest, with not only the attempt to keep the bleeding from stopping but also, his heart, it was about to give out any second.  Ruki had cut him good, the slash was deep and sure to leave a scar. The samurai before him waited for a reply, to satisfy his need for this hatred of hunger, but Kai wouldn’t give him that satisfaction.

Fed up with his silence, Ruki ran towards him, katana held high, ready for the final blow.  And Kai stood still, waiting for it to take him away.  Better to die by sword than by a faulty heart, is what he thought.

Fate held a different end for him, Aoi appeared in front of him, taking the katana into his abdomen, as it pushed through his body, he pushed Kai out of the way as it came out his back.  Kai still stunned to move, tried to cry out for Ruki to stop, but the damage had been done.  Letting go of his sword, Ruki stared at Aoi with a trembling jaw.

Aoi fell to his knees, in a daze as the katana protruded out of his body.  “Why? You fool! Why?”  In front of Aoi, Ruki cried holding him up as he started to fall.

Crawling towards them, Kai brushed through the fallen sakura petals, stopping to see the ones that had turned red with Aoi’s blood.  His mind finally began to process, that Aoi was dying.  Because of him, dying because of, him.

With what strength he could gather, he pushed Ruki away, he fell on his side and didn’t move, only shaking his body with every cry for what he had done.  Kai held his lover’s face in his hands, once again feeling lost in his dark eyes.  There was no sadness, no pain, and all he saw was love.  Aoi managed a to tug a small smile at his lips, blood escaping through them as they parted.

Before Aoi could speak, Kai cut in, wanting to tell him how he felt, they never were given a chance. “When I first met you, you saved my life.” A tear slid down his cheek and he didn’t wipe it away.  “And now—“ Throat contracting, he had to ignore it.  “Now, you saved me again.”

Chapped lips met with bloody ones as they shared their last kiss.  Slumping forward, all life left Aoi as his body went limp in his arms, the hilt of the katana digging into Kai’s stomach.  But it didn’t matter.

 

He had waited for this day to come, when the first man came out of hiding from the brush, Kai was prepared.  Easily his katana slid right into him, rendering him useless.  Amongst the battle, he looked for Uruha, who was last by his side, but now no longer.

“Uruha!”  He shouted, two more men fell by his sword until he finally found the boy in the woods surround by three men.

“Maybe we should save him and bring him back.” One of the men laughed.  Uruha, on the ground held his katana with shaky hands.  Not wasting another minute, Kai lunged at the men.  Killing one of them was easy, but his heart began to clutch painfully in his chest, stopping him for a moment.  The downfall that Ruki had always predicted would happen.

One of the two men came at him; Kai swiped his sword at the man’s leg, cutting it off completely.  Looking towards Uruha, the boy stood off the ground, the man fighting him stabbed him in the side.  “Uruha! Run!” He couldn’t believe it himself, he wanted Uruha to live, the traditions of the samurai were already crumbling, and the boy living was one rule he was willing to break.

The katana in Uruha’s hand swung high and quick, lodging itself in the man’s neck.  By then, Kai’s vision was already blurring, Uruha came to him, frantic movements along his body, as if there was a way to save him.  But Kai was paralyzed, more men were coming and Uruha knew that.  “I’m sorry.”  Uruha whispered to him, a press of lips against his cheek and the boy was running away from him deep in the woods clutching his side.  Hoping that Uruha would make it, Kai shut his eyes, giving a silent prayer for his safety.

When his eyes fluttered open, Aoi kneeled beside him, holding his hand out to him.  Kai took his hand and their fingers interlaced into a firm grip.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for mistakes, I'll try to fix them later.


End file.
